I came home to find my BBQ was stolen. Next day i came home and my BBQ was back with two MLB tickets. I thought a neighbor borrowed it and was saying thanks by giving me the tickets. My wife and I went to the game and when we returned home our entire house was robbed including the BBQ. FWM

At night, when everyone is alseep, I sneak into my older sister's bedroom and jerk off while watching her sleep. I'm 17, she's 22. FWM

I decided to measure my penis length, so I took one of those foldable rulers out and began measuring. As I was holding the ruler out, my hand slipped and the ruler folded in half, pinching my penis head in the process. FWM

I wanna have a threesome with my my daughter, and her husband. FWM

I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance FWM

Me and my boyfriend were eating hot dogs. He had a bit of ketchup on his face, I decided to lick it off to look sexy. It wasn't Ketchup, it was a pimple. FWM

This girl i have liked for so long finally went out with me. The date went perfect In my car we started kissing she grabbed my dick and i came right in her hand.. FWM

I was giving a haircut to this man and he said he wanted a buzz cut. So I decided to cut a penis in his head. Just after that the razor died. FWM

I fantasize about watching my wife being fucked by another man. FWM

While I was sleeping, my three year old son crawled onto the end of my bed during a storm because he was scared. I thought he was one of our cats so I kicked him off. He hit the wall. FWM

my mother and I were cleaning my room. Underneath my bed, she found my vibrator. Devastated, I sat there and waited for her reaction. She looked at me and smiled, saying "I have the same one, in purple!" FWM

I found a bunch of unopened condoms in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom I share with my little brother. I used one the next time I had sex with my girlfriend, and today my brother asked me if I knew where the condoms where that he had poked holes into with his friends. FWM

I was chatting with my dad and my boyfriend on Facebook. I got them mixed up, and I told my dad, in detail, what i wanted to do to his penis when we saw each other next FWM

In church, the priest gave a long homily about how texting, phones and technology in general dictate our lives and block the message from God. When he finished, there was a short silence. That's when my phone went off. Everyone turned to look at me. FWM

I was 14 years old walking home from a friends house. There was a car with about 4 guys in it. One of them started to say something to me and I just kept walking. The next thing you know they jumped out of the car grabbed me by my hair and dragged me in the car the hit me told me to shut up and to close my eyes or I was dead. When I opend my eyes there were over 5 guys with their pants down. They kept me tied up for over a week. I was a virgin. Til this day my parents think I ran away. I'm 19 now. FWM

I was taking a shower in dark, and like many times before, my girl comes in and starts giving me oral. We live with my parents. A few minutes into the amazing oral, my girl comes into bathroom flips on the lights to reveal my mother giving me oral. She thought I was my dad. FWM

I had to tell my mom that my new girlfriend is pregnant. My mom, who introduced us, looked horrified. Apparently my girlfriend's mom and my mom found each other some internet group for people who adopt. They wanted to see if we'd guess ourselves that we are biologically brother and sister FWM

Today,me and my boyfriend were playing a game on his iTouch,it was laying on his lap. When my teacher came by, he hid it. I got suspended for inappropriate behavior towards others. FWM

I just started a new job making wedding cakes. I needed advice on a custom cake, so I called a professional. He has a heavy speech impediment. I ended up using baby powder instead of baking powder. FWM

I went to CVS to buy condoms for the first time. The asain cashier asked me how old I was; I am 16. He then said, "Oh. Fucking already?" As I handed him my credit card he told me they didn't accept it and said, "Look like no fucking for you!" He laughed at me the whole way out the door. FWM

↓Jokes

↓Confessions

Blogs

Jokes Jokes Jokes

Fwhyme.com now offers one more reason to love it.. JOKES