I just started a new job making wedding cakes. I needed advice on a custom cake, so I called a professional. He has a heavy speech impediment. I ended up using baby powder instead of baking powder. FWM

I got called into HR and was told I would be let go at the end of the week. So upset I went to the bar next door and got slammed, returned to work to quit on the spot only to find out it was a mix up, there is another person with my exact name. I then got fired for going to work drunk! FWM

As principal of a Catholic high school, I was leading the morning prayer over the PA system. A strange noise distracted me, so I lost track of what I was saying, mumbled incoherently and turned off the PA. I screwed up the Our Father FWM

I went to get my nails done. As soon as I walk in, the lady at the desk looks me over and says with a disgusted look on her face You here for eyebrow and upper lip wax? FWM

I had a stomach ache so I decided to use the toilet in the restroom at work. Someone else was finished using the stall and leaves. On his way out, he decided to be green and turns off the light. I was stuck in the dark for a good 5 minutes FWM

I was at work, I work at a dry cleaners. My boss brought some clothes in and a pair of his underwear were stuck in them. To make my co-worker laugh, I put them on over my pants and started doing a dance. My boss walked out in the middle of my performance. FWM

My boss texted me on my work phone with information about a meeting that was later in the day. i always send a text back to let them know i got the text. i was typing "kk" on my blackberry when it auto corrected it to "kkk" and then it was sent. my boss is black FWM

I called the wife of the man with Alzheimer's I take care of to see when I should come to work. He thinks I'm trying to steal their figs because I asked him when they'd be ripe. My job is now on hold for 2 weeks until he forgets, because he 'never wants to see that boy again.' FWM

I'm a surgeon, and today I was talking to one of my patients that I will be operating on tomorrow. I was still tired and hungover, and I accidentally said we will have this same talk “Post Mortem” Instead of during the Post Operation. My patient is now looking for another surgeon. FWM

While trying a case in court today, I accidentally said “We, the prostitution” instead of We, the prosecution”. FWM