I came home to find my BBQ was stolen. Next day i came home and my BBQ was back with two MLB tickets. I thought a neighbor borrowed it and was saying thanks by giving me the tickets. My wife and I went to the game and when we returned home our entire house was robbed including the BBQ. FWM

I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance FWM

Me and my boyfriend were eating hot dogs. He had a bit of ketchup on his face, I decided to lick it off to look sexy. It wasn't Ketchup, it was a pimple. FWM

I was giving a haircut to this man and he said he wanted a buzz cut. So I decided to cut a penis in his head. Just after that the razor died. FWM

In church, the priest gave a long homily about how texting, phones and technology in general dictate our lives and block the message from God. When he finished, there was a short silence. That's when my phone went off. Everyone turned to look at me. FWM

I found a bunch of unopened condoms in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom I share with my little brother. I used one the next time I had sex with my girlfriend, and today my brother asked me if I knew where the condoms where that he had poked holes into with his friends. FWM

I realized that the voice I use to think to myself has a british accent FWM

I went to Chuck E Cheese's with baby cousin. He went into a slide and asked me to follow him, so I did. I was crawling behind him and I got stuck. So, as the fire department was trying to pull me out, my pants were ripped off of me and the boy in the slide with me threw up FWM

I tried acid for the first time. I was walking down the sidewalk and I got attacked by a goat FWM

I was opening the glass door of my house when something slimy curled around my foot. I jumped into the air screaming like a little girl. It was a wet twig. My whole family was watching from the dinner table. I'm a 25 year old guy. FWM