While I was sleeping, my three year old son crawled onto the end of my bed during a storm because he was scared. I thought he was one of our cats so I kicked him off. He hit the wall. FWM

My 5-year-old son asked me how babies are made. I then told him everything about sex. Later, at kindergarten, he told the whole class that "Daddy taught him sex." I have a conference tomorrow with the principal and his teacher FWM

My husband and I told our 3 year old daughter that she was going to be a big sister, a baby was growing in mommy's tummy. She cried and stormed off, then later when i took her to daycare she told her teacher that mommy ate her baby brother FWM

I was babysitting a 5-year-old girl. I asked her if she wanted a carrot because there good for your eyesight. She wouldn't eat it. I was forcing her to eat it, telling her she will have bad vision. Later I get a call from her mom screaming at me. Her daughter is allergic to carrots. FWM

I was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During my struggle the phone rang so I asked my 4-year-old daughter to answer it. "Daddy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. He's hitting the bottle FWM

I found out if I die my daughter will get 1,000+ dollars a month in Social Security, She said "WHOO-HOO" FWM

I was having sex with my wife, thinking our children were asleep. Apparently my 5 year old son wasn't. I guess I play wrestle with him way to much cause he walked in, jump on my back, and screamed my turn! FWM

My 10 year old daughter walked in on me having sex with her aunt. I'm still married to her mom. FWM

My niece asked me if she could make a smoothie with blackberries in it. I said okay. Since she's usually pretty responsible I left her alone after I set up the blender for her. A few minutes later I hear the sound of my brand new Blackberry Storm being torn to shreds FWM

My 4 yr old son was playing House with the little girl next door. They went through a day as "husband and wife", then didn't know what to do after 'work'. The girl said "I'll rub your feet like my mommy." to which my son replied, "I'll rub your tits like daddy." FWM